Hospice UK runs Dying Matters, a long-term initiative which encourages more open conversations about dying, death and bereavement. A similar conversation can take a very modest form: a few sentences over coffee, a note in documents or a list of music and colors.
The family doesn't have to guess once
When a person says whether they want the ceremony to be silent or musical, what flowers they like or whether they like bold colors, they give the family a clue. It doesn't solve all future circumstances, but it takes some of the uncertainty out of decision-making at a time when concentration can be difficult.
Start with simple questions
- What music should be played at the farewell?
- Which colors, place or natural motif describe me?
- Do I want a more intimate meeting or a larger ceremony?
- Who should know my wishes and where can they be found?
It is not necessary to have an answer to everything. Someone wants to decide on only one element. This is also useful information.
A wish is not a script that the family must fulfill to the last detail. It is a compass for decision making.
Write down the wish with the date and contact
A practice note should be legible, up-to-date and accessible to a trusted person. It is advisable to state the date, contacts and distinguish between what is a firm wish and what is only a possibility. If it concerns a specific casket or painting, it helps to attach a photo, subject name, or contact information for the artist.
Do not forget about real conditions
The form of burial always takes place within a legal, time and operational framework. Therefore, it is good to see the wish as the basis of a conversation with the family and the funeral service. The current possibilities, date and technical suitability of a specific coffin need to be verified at the moment when the ceremony is actually being prepared.